50/50 ...

Yo Peeps !

Well today was meant to be the hottest day of the year in the UK. And, I think it was. It was nice.

I woke up and it seemed like it was going to be a nice day. That is until my dad came home from work early.

So I asked him why he was home early, and he said he needed to talk to me.

Well thats short for SHIZZ :

Basically my mum and dad had recieved a letter from the school I had applied for, they said no to my application. Which I was pretty bummed out about. But we have the option to appeal, I don't know what that involves, whether it involves an interview or a pursuasive letter or what, I just have my fingers crossed that it works out and that I get a place in the school.

Furthermore, my head of year had rang my mum, saying that if I want to then I can move forms, and that if I don't get back into school education welfare have to come round, well I said bring education welfare round, because I'm not going in.

I know its my head of years job to get me in school, but I've made it clear that I don't want anything to do with it anymore, and I just can't stick the fact that I might have to go back there. I hate it, when I'm there I just feel nervous, alone and like I'm being singled out and picked on all the time, and they can exclude me from the school for all I care, cause I'm not going there.

Then my dad said that he would take us out for a meal, so we went to bartlewood lodge for a carvary, it was going really well till my dad had to open his gob and start talking about the school thing, asking me loads of questions that I just don't want to answer, saying that I think I'm always right and that I'm hiding away. I know for a fact I'm not always right, and that me being off school like this is wrong, but its really hard to go back in, I don't want to go back, I am determined to go to a different school.

Plus, why should I get kicked out the form? One of the girls who's being horrible to me should get kicked out the form, she wasn't originally in our form anyway. Boot her out! I'm not moving around the school over and and over again. No I'm so over it!

On the way back from the slightly awkward meal, we were driving past and I saw my good friend Chris. I missed him a lot to be honest, so when I got home I rang him.

We spoke and he asked me if the rumours about me moving school were true, I explained to him that they were, and he said that I should'nt let a couple of people make me want to move forms, and that my situation is kind of like his with his friends. I appreciated his advice, he probably is my best friend, I wish I could just hand around with guys all the time, there so much easier to cope with and they don't give you bitchy crap like girls do. Why is that? Does anybody know?

But of course, if I hung around with lads I would get accused of being a slag, a lesbian, or a tomboy, and I don't want that to be honest.

Everything just seems confusing to be honest, I don't know what to do, I'm scared about the future and I just want to hide away from it all. The worst thing of all is that I can't cry it out, I just seem to not be able to cry. I'm scared about whats going to happen, I'm just overly anxious about everything...

In other news, I am IN LOVE with "Shake it- Metro Station"

In all fairness I had never heard of the band or the song until I read Mitchel Musso's blog.

What an absolutly awesome song!

And if Mitchel ever reads this ... Thanks for informing me about such a cool band , they rock!

Well I guess thats all for now, I would love your opinion about what I should do about school, actually, if anything its not an opinion, its more like advice. Please help me :(

Hugs && Kisses xx